Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Besides thinking about our own inevitable death, we worry about losing others. The hardest part last night was watching his parents. It goes beyond anything I could ever imagine. Ten years ago this month I lost my best friend. She was thirty. It was the most devastating time in my life. At that time I had not had children yet, but still I knew that no matter how painful it was to lose her, my pain could never compare to that of her parents or only sister. For years I thought of her and them every single day. I cried a lot for many years after she died. I still think of her daily. She floats in and out of my head. I hear songs on the radio that we listened to in college and I convince myself it is her way of saying hello. Maybe that is my way of hoping that there is something after this. Something that speaks to me through a radio playing songs that we listened to repeatedly like college girls do. Dancing in a beat up Malibu, smoking cigarettes and singing off key, playing the same songs again and again. Those songs speak to me when I hear them. They come through in my car and I feel like my friend is there saying hello, or I miss you, or it is okay to move on. It is so hard to move on when you lose someone. In the past ten years since my friend has been gone I bought a house, got married, and had two kids. My life is nothing like it was. I often feel guilty about moving on. Guilty that I am here and she is gone. Guilty that I have a family and she could not. Sad when I snuggle my face against my own children, knowing how much I love them and can't imagine anything ever happening. Knowing that I will be gone someday, but my children will go on, the world will go on and maybe I can come back and say hi through a song.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
I bought a package of chicken and a large package of ground beef. I had elaborate plans that included freezing meatballs and meatloaf. I decided I deserved a bit of relaxing watching mindless television. I managed to pull together a skillet chicken pot pie that bakes in the oven with biscuits on it. It has fresh veggies and no canned gravy. It is a rich, but delicious dish all ready for me to get home Monday, make some biscuits and throw it in the oven. Monday is done. My large package of ground beef became a large pan of cooked ground beef. I froze two freezer bags of cooked ground beef for quick throw together dinners and turned the rest into chili. Some we are going to eat when I finish this post; I was able to freeze half of the chili. Freezing half a meal is good, not only because I can get another meal out of it, but we also eat less because I haven't put it all out.
We will see what the week brings