I was going to write about the fact that I am sad to be cooking when the kids aren't even here. We could have gone out and had fun, however, we are trying to save money.
But that isn't really how I am feeling. This is really sad cooking. Sad to see my father the way he is now. Sad that no matter his situation the rest of us get up and follow our regular routine. It doesn't seem right, but it is what we do. We still have to clean our houses, pay bills, shop, cook, and carry on with life. Sometimes it feels weird to be laughing or enjoying a situation knowing that he can't appreciate it. Sick parents are something most people deal with at one time or another, but it is still really hard.
The past few months are starting to catch up to me. I can feel the weight of what has happened and how it is impacting everyone. Life is hard. Things change fast. There are many sad things, but there are beautiful things too. It is hard to focus on those things right now feeling this way, but it is all we have to get us through.